THE KINGDOM FRAGMENTS FROM WITHIN

Short Story by Franklin Campusano 

    Daniel is an anxious man. He's conscious about it. For many years his struggle has been socializing with others. School life was particularly tough for him. Now in his adult years were interacting with others can determine the difference on whether you eat or not, he has had to force himself out of his comfort zone in order to make end's meat. 

    Every afternoon at about 6:30pm, Daniel arrives home from his office job in the Quincy District courthouse straight to his room. He doesn't greet anyone in his household, his middle-aged mother Heather, nor his little brother Caleb. It's nothing personal, work is just too much for him. At about 7:00pm Heather knocks gently on Daniel's door in order to give him his well-deserved dinner. 

    During the half an hour interval between Daniel arriving at the safety of his home and Daniel receiving his dinner, whether he chooses to eat it with his mom and brother on the table or not. Daniel spends the time relieving his anxiety. 

    Normally upon shutting the door of his room, Daniel throws his luggage in the chair that is by his bed and proceeds to throw himself face down on his bed. With both his hands pressing on each side of his head, Daniel starts to sigh heavily in order to release the accumulated stress of the day.  

    Five days a week, all year long, this is Daniel's routine. Every week of the year Daniel is spent waiting for the weekend. The weekend being the only two days where he can spend the whole day tucked away inside his room doing what he loves the most in life. Daniel loves to read books, especially history books and history novels. Daniel is a man fascinated by the past. 

    The taught of having to go back to work the next morning is anxiety infusing to him, but deep-down Daniel knows he has to. Sometimes he may lie to himself, saying to himself: "I got this, I been doing this for long enough." Only to experience a taste of the harsh reality in which he lives. A world that is rather unforgiving of character flaws and of lack of knowledge. 

    This particular weekend though, this fact on itself is a of great stress to Daniel. This upcoming Saturday, Daniel has a special event that he must attend to alongside his co-workers and boss. Yes, he must attend if he wants to gain the approval of his boss. Although this job is a source of great stress to Daniel, this job means everything to him. He can't afford to lose it, he can't afford to be in his boss' disfavor. 

    Daniel lets out another loud sigh and proceeds to incorporate himself. He sits down on the side of his bed and while bending his torso slightly, he briefly holds his forehead with both his hands. 

"I have to go down and eat." 

     While Daniel is seating on his bed with his hands grabbing his forehead, his mom, Heather knocks gently on his door and tells him. 

"Honey, dinner is ready. Do you want to come down with us or do you want me to bring it up to you for you to eat it here?" 

"Is okay mom, I will head down in a second." 

"Okay." 

    Heather heads down to the kitchen to continue caring for Caleb who is a special needs kid. Daniel now gets up from his bed and takes off his tie and shoes. He then takes off his button up shirt and puts on a blue polo shirt and wears his sandals. After this, Daniel also heads downstairs to the kitchen table. 

    Upon getting to the table Caleb immediately shows excitement, gets up from his seat and runs towards Daniel. 

"Daniel!" 

    Daniel bends his knees to reach his brother and hugs him. Heather looks at Daniel and tells him: 

"Your dinner is on the table." 

    Daniel smiles at his mom and says: "thank you" to her. He then proceeds to seat down in his chair while Caleb also goes to his own chair. Heather finishes serving herself her dinner and proceeds to seat down as well. Daniel's eyes seem to be lost, he's not really looking towards anywhere or anyone in particular. Heather knows, and with tactfulness she proceeds to ask Daniel to make a quick prayer of thanks to God. The family of three now seating in the table proceed to pray in thanks to God for their daily food. After Daniel finishes his prayer, Daniel, Heather, and Caleb start to eat their dinner. 

    Heather is known by everyone in her congregation to be an amazing cook, whenever she would host a meal, things would get really quiet in the table because of how good her food is. This really bothers Heather, who is someone that appreciates the value of having a conversation in the table. So in order to break the silence, Heather proceeds to ask Daniel: 

"Tell me about you Daniel, how was your day?" 

    Upon hearing this, Daniel lets out a deep sigh once more while raising his eyebrows as a sign of stress. 

"I'm sorry mom, I can't really talk about it right now. I'm feeling very stressed." 

"Is it because of work? Did you have to interact with a lot of people today?" 

"Well, yes and no, I'm not really stressed because of work today, it is more because of tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow? What's going on tomorrow?" 

"Tomorrow, I have to go to a classical music concert with my boss and the team. I really don't want to go but I think I will." 

"You have to be strong son; you have to remember that we share this planet with millions of other people just like us." 

"Mom, you know that I don't like interacting with other people, you know that I'm an introverted person." 

"Yes but interacting with people is a must, is like your dad used to say, we humans were created by God to be with each other." 

    Daniel seems very frustrated; Daniel is a man that doesn't like interacting with others due to his extreme shyness. Social interactions are a source of great fear to him. Knowing this Heather proceeds to say: 

"I know you can do it son; I believe in you." 

"Thank you, mom." 

    And the family continues eating their dinner. 

~ THE MORNING BEFORE THE SHOW ~

    The morning has come, Daniel still has a few hours before the show begins, so he decides to sleep in a little. The show will start at about 5:00pm, Daniel plans to arrive at the theater at about 4:30pm in order to not be overwhelmed by the incoming crowd. 

    At noon Daniel finally wakes up and proceeds with his early day routine, that being brushing his teeth and showering, doing his bed and dressing for the day. Thirty minutes after waking up, Daniel goes down to the kitchen and fries some eggs with sausages and bacon, since Heather his mom doesn't cook in the weekends. Heather goes on to participate on religious activities on Saturday mornings, activities such as door to door preaching. She takes her youngest son Caleb along with her. 

    After eating breakfast, Daniel goes back to his room and turns on his PC. He likes to play online games on his PC, games such as League of Legends and World of Warcraft. He also likes to go to different forums and join different discussions on matter relating computers, robotics, games, and even history. Daniel spends pretty much the first half of this Saturday involved in these activities. At about 3:30pm Daniel logs out of his PC, turns it off and goes back to the shower. He puts on his suit and tie; he also puts on his nicest pair of shoes. 

    At about 4:00pm, Daniel drives off toward the Kennedy theater. He arrives at the Kennedy Teather at about 4:30pm and parks his car. 

~ THE FIRST HALF OF THE SHOW ~

    Upon parking his vehicle, Daniel quickly makes his way into the theater. His boss whose name is Josh is already there talking with what appears to be some important people. Daniel tries to get his boss' attention without interrupting the conversation, but Josh quickly takes notice and greets Daniel. 

"Ah Daniel, you made it, welcome to the show." 

    Daniel politely smiles and shakes josh's hand, but it is clear that he wants to get going quickly. Josh in the other hand has other plans for Daniel and proceeds to introduce Daniel to the rest of the group. 

"Hey guys, this is Daniel, he's one of my best workers, always gets things done, and always ahead of schedule." 

    The men and women proceed to greet Daniel who's at this point beginning to look nervous. Daniel asks his boss if he can seat further to the back of the second floor of the theater, Josh is totally fine, after all Daniel is the only employee who accepted the invite. It doesn't matter where he seats, what's more important to Josh is that he is here. 

    Daniel goes up the main staircase towards the second floor of the theater and enters the main theater room and goes up towards the final lane of seats, all the way to the back far away from the rest of the crowd.                                                                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                                             

    But to Daniel's surprise though, the place becomes packed. By 5:00pm the theater is almost at its full capacity. Because of this, there is also people that go towards the seats that are furthest away in the back of the second floor, people such as Daniel that prefer to have their space when seating and others who prefer the back as well. The result is, there's a lot of people seating near Daniel, to his dismay. 

    The show begins, the orchestra starts playing Beethoven's Symphony No.9. The lights become dim but no to the point that is so dark that vision is impaired. During this time, Daniel although nervous, he is enjoying the beautiful music being played live from the stage. But he can't stop thinking about the fact that out of all his co-workers, he is the only one that actually showed up to his boss' invitation. He can't help but feel bothered and annoyed by this. 

        At about one hour into the show, Daniel starts feeling the urge to use the restroom. But there's a problem, if he gets up from his seat and descends down towards the platform, he will be seen by all the people in the second floor or can even disturb them, the thought of disturbing the people near him is anxiety inducing to Daniel. Daniel doesn't want to be put in a spotlight. So, in the end, Daniel decides to hold his urges until the next recess. The thing is, unbeknownst to Daniel, this recess won't come until an hour later.  

~ THE SECOND HALF OF THE SHOW ~

        Not even an hour has passed and at this point, Daniel can't hold his physiological needs anymore. Daniel in a burst of panic goes down the steps between the seats down to the second-floor platform. He unconsciously doesn't look at anyone around him because in his mind he is causing a ruckus and being an annoyance. As Daniel goes down the steps towards the second-floor platform, he thinks that everyone is taking notice of him, that all eyes are locked into him. It's like a spotlight has suddenly focused on him. This however can't be further from the truth. What seemed like extremely loud steps, louder than the orchestra itself to Daniel is just a simple stubble to the audience surrounding him. No one really is taking notice of him and therefore no one is being disturbed. 

    When he finally makes it to the hallway of the theater, he passes by the attendants quickly and without making eye contact. Deep inside Daniel feels ashamed, as if everyone knows what business he's about to do. He enters the men's room and seats in one of the toilets and proceeds to relieve himself. As he's relieving himself, Daniel notices that he's sweating profusely, and his heart rate is very fast. His breathing is very heavy as well. Once finished, Daniel goes toward the sink where there's a mirror. At the mirror Daniel takes a good look on himself, he's blushing, he's face is reddish. Daniel feels like he's about to burst. Part of him doesn't want to exit the restroom until the show is completely over. 

    Deep down though, Daniel knows he has to go back to his seat. No normal person stays in the restroom for so long and of course, Daniel wants to fit in. He remembers in his mind all the people that watched him get up from his seat an go down. Daniel also "knows" in his mind that such individuals also know that he has gone to the bathroom, so in order to make a good impression to them he has to go back to his seat. 

    So reluctantly, Daniel takes a deep breath, he then waits until his heart rate has calmed down a little and proceeds to exit the men's room and heads over to the main theater on the second floor. Inside his head he's hearing voices, the voices of the people seating close and surrounding him making remarks of him, "he's so weird" someone says, "he's just a shy boy" someone else says. 

    Daniel walks into the theater room on the second floor and approaches the steps in between the seats, and when he raises his eyes to look up at the steps, he sees it. The sight of thousands of people seating and facing contrary to him towards the stage, no one really is noticing him though, no one really is minding him. Everyone is focused on the show and on enjoying the beautiful composition that is being played for them, but Daniel's eyes see something else. 

    In Daniel's eyes, all eyes, thousands of them are locked into him, as he goes up each and every step. Time suddenly slows down in Daniel's mind. Every step and move he makes is a loud bombastic sound that is mixing with the loud instruments of the orchestra. In Daniel's eyes he is his own show, everyone is focused on him. It seems that every step he makes becomes heavier and heavier. At some point, Daniel stops and all he can hear in his head is a loud beep. And then it begins, Daniel feels a heavy severe weight on his chest, like his heart is falling down from is fixed place on his body. Daniel's breathing becomes heavy as he bends his knees to fall into the floor. Daniel grabs his chest with his right hand and starts to breathe heavily. He's having a panic attack. 

    One of the attendants takes notice and quickly aids Daniel, he grabs him gently and takes him away into the hallway where more attendants come to his aid. 

"He's having a panic attack!" Says one of them. 

"Quick get him some water!" Says another of the attendants. 

    The supervisor of the attendants, a tall old man named Bethox is informed of what's happening. By the time he makes it to where Daniel is, Daniel's breathing is starting to stabilize. Bethox is a tall figure, measuring 6 feet 7 inches. He has a long white hair and a long white beard; he's regarded as a wise man among his peers. Bethox gently taps Daniel on his shoulder and proceeds to say "hello." 

One of the attendants approaches Bethox and asks him: 

"Should we call an ambulance?" 

"No need, I got things from here, go back to your post." 

    Bethox looks back at Daniel with a gentle smile and asks Daniel: 

"Would you like to come with me? I have a nice, air-conditioned room in the back, you can seat there for the remainder of the show." 

    Daniel smiles. 

"That sounds nice, thank you." 

    Daniel and Bethox then head towards the back. 

    

~COVERSING WITH BETHOX~

    Bethox and Daniel walk into a hallway that looks very familiar to Daniel. 

"This is like the inside of an office building." 

"Because it is, there's a lot of clerical work that needs to be done in the background of a theater." 

    Bethox and Daniel sit down in a bench in the hallway. There's a small fridge near the bench so Bethox reaches out and takes out two cold sandwiches and two drinks and proceeds to give a sandwich and a soda pop to Daniel. 

"Make yourself at home, you can eat all you like." 

"No need sir, one sandwich is enough." 

    Both Daniel and Bethox proceed to eat their sandwiches and drink their sodas, while eating and drinking, Bethox asks Daniel: 

"So tell me, what happened to you out there?" 

"I....I got a little anxious." 

"Okay, why?" 

"I have extreme social anxiety. I am afraid to interact with people." 

"Is that so?" 

"Yeah, I always been this way, I don't think I have any hope of recovering from it." 

    Bethox reflects on what Daniel just said and proceeds to take a sip of his drink and proceeds to say: 

"Actually, I can argue that you are not as hopeless as you think yourself to be." 

    Daniel looks towards Bethox with his eyebrows raised. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I think all you need is some well-directed guidance and you could overcome your shyness in due time." 

"How can some advice help me overcome my shyness?" 

"Most of the time people who have some type of mental or social impairment, all it usually takes for them to show improvement in their life is to change their focus." 

"Change their focus?" 

"For example, when you was about to go up the steps towards your seat, what was you thinking about that got you to experience a panic attack?" 

    Daniel thinks back to the moment he experienced his most recent panic attack. 

"I, I was thinking about the people in the seats staring at me and judging me severely." 

"Exactly, you see, a lot of people that have social anxiety are a little too self-aware, they mostly think about the things others notice about them and that's why they tend to experience that much fear, if you know what I'm saying." 

    Daniel thinks about his most recent interactions and concludes that yes, the old man Bethox is right, most of the time Daniel finds that he's focusing a lot on what others think and say about him. 

"You see, most successful people, socially speaking are not so focused on what others are thinking about them but instead, they mostly focus on themselves and how they feel, that's why they usually seem comfortable in social situations."

"So your telling me that I need to stop caring about what others think?"

"Not necessarily, is more about changing your focus inwards instead of putting your focus away from yourself. By doing this, you're not ceasing to care about others, but instead you are giving yourself the attention and care you deserve." 

    Daniel is slouching down in the bench while holding both his hands together. He is silently reflecting on what Bethox is saying to him. 

    "People that overwhelm themselves by what others are thinking usually neglet themselves and because of that they don't care for themselves the same way a healthy human is supposed to." 

"I can see where your going with this." Daniel says in response to Bethox. 

"In order to be fully successful socially speaking, you must stop overwhelming yourself by what others think of you and instead focus on yourself, the more you know yourself, the more comfortable you will be." 

    Daniel smiles for a second. 

"Is it really that easy?" 

"Its a lot easier said than done but the more you do it, the more you'll get the hang of it. When I think of people like you, funnily enough I can't stop thinking about the great empires of the past." 

    Daniel turns towards Bethox and looks at him with a little confusion. 

"You seem very perplexed by what I just said, let me illustrate it for you, what do you and other people like you have in common with: 1) the Roman empire, 2) the Macedonian empire, and 3) the Mongolian empire?"

~ THE THREE EMPIRES ~

    "It may sound as a stretch to compare a shy or socially anxious person to the Roman, Macedonian and Mongolian empire, but hear me out for a second."

    

    Daniel finds this comparison made by Bethox a little out of place but since he is an open-minded person, Daniel allows Bethox to elaborate. 

"The Roman empire is known for its many conquests, during those days the thought of the Roman empire falling may have seem a little out of place as well, but it happened." 

    Bethos adds: 

"When it comes to the Roman empire, this empire is an empire that extended way beyond its boulders, conquering many adjacent lands, at its peak, the Roman empire covered most of Europe and parts of Asia." 

"This expansion obviously made the empire look great and mighty, but this caused a lot of problems to the people governing and administering the empire." 

    Daniel turns his head towards Bethox again and asks: 

"How so? With all those subjugated nations governing the empire should not have been that hard." 

"Not really, in the contrary, the vast size of the empire made it hard to govern and it made more difficult for the empire's military to manage. You see, back then communication was not as effective as it is now." 

"Uh huh" 

"Because of this the Roman empire had to be split into two at some point on its history, I think in about the late 300 A.C." 

    "The result was that Rome turned into two new empires, the Western Roman empire and the Eastern Roman empire." 

"Wait a second, didn't Rome fall and became the Byzantine empire?" 

"If I can remember, that's what they thought in school, the truth is that the rise of the Byzantine empire was a little bit more complex." 

"First of all," Bethox adds, "The Western Roman empire collapsed, and it became what we know today as Spain, France, England, Italy and more."

"Uh huh, okay." 

"Then the Eastern side of the Roman empire became what we know as the Byzantine empire with its capital being Constantinople." 

"Okay but what does the fragmenting and sequential fall of the Roman empire have to do with shy individuals?" 

"Be patient, child, we are speaking about history here and if there's anything you know about history, is that history takes it's time." 

"Okay..." Daniel now realizes that he has gotten himself into a lecture and he has no choice but to listen to the wisdom of Bethox. 

"Let's move on to the Macedonian empire for time sake." 

"When it comes to the Macedonian empire, you can't speak about it without mentioning its most famous ruler Alexander the Great." 

"Yes I heard of him, he's regarded as the greatest conqueror, right?" 

"One of them." 

"Oh, I research history, but I focus more on modern history as in the 20th century and up." 

"That's totally fine, you see, the Macedonian empire during Alexander's rule experienced the same issue that Rome later experienced, because of the vastness of its borders and its rapid growth, the empire became harder and harder to manage. It was so that after Alexander's sudden passing, the empire split into four different empires." 

"So according to you, a overly large empire is destined to split?"

"Most times, if not every time in history that the ruler of a certain nation would focus on conquering others, those empires that would rise as a result of such conquest, would inevitably fragment into smaller pieces or lands." 

"I still can't figure out how this has to do with people like me, I rent a house after all, I don't even own land." 

"That's totally okay child, most people don't now a days although owning land is a good investment, but that is another topic for another day." 

"So what did the Macedonian empire split into?" 

"After Alexander's sudden death, the land was split by his four generals, Ptolemy, Seleucus, Antigonus, and Cassander. The lands they ruled would bear their names."

"So the empire was in a way rationed between Alexander's most trusted generals?" 

"Yes, this led to many conflicts afterward but essentially yes. Moving on." 

"Lastly, the Mongolian empire also fits very well in this extended example illustration." 

"How so? Is it because of its expansive nature during its peak?" 

"Exactly, the conquest of Genghis Kan where very bloody and intense and in the end, the Mongols under the control of Genghis Kan took over basically the entire Asian continent and parts of Europe." 

"As mighty and powerful that that kingdom was," Bethox adds, "It ended up fragmented into four autonomous parts." 

"Again? Let me guess, after Genghis Kan died?" 

"No, in this case Genghis Kan split the whole empire between his four sons before he died and off-course, Genghis Kan's sons fought a lot because of it." 

"I see." 

"Although the Mongolian army was very ruthless and skilled, ministering and managing such a vast land became really hard, especially with the lack of communication technology back then." 

"Now that I think about it, passing laws would take a long time back then since they probably had to send messengers out." 

"Yes, communicating the kings' decrees all over the empire would take months, so you can see why it was such a task to govern such vast lands back then and why such vast lands would later inevitably split into smaller lands in the end." 

"So, what's your point? What does all of this have to do with shy people like me?" 

"It is true that you and probably most people today don't really own land, even less conquer them, but there's a lesson to be learned from the rise and fall from these and many more empires." 

"You see," Bethox adds, "The reason these vast powerful empires fell is because instead of focusing on consolidating and strengthening themselves, these empires placed their entire focus on conquering and subduing other nations outside of their own borders." 

"Instead of these empires placing their focus inward, they placed their focus on everyone else and because of that they neglected themselves. In the end even though the fall of these empires was a lot more complex with many moving pieces at play, one of the most important factors that lead to their fall was overexpansion." 

"Likewise, if you place your focus on everyone else aside from yourself, you too will end up fragmented, not physically but emotionally and mentally and you won't do well in social situations." 

"So, you're telling me that I need to take time to get to know myself better instead of solely focusing on others." 

"Exactly, the only way to be confident is by being comfortable with your own self, if you don't take time to know yourself, you will never be comfortable with yourself and with anyone else. Always remember that kid." 

"Get to know myself first, okay, got it. Thank you for your time, sir."

    The show has already ended about 10 minutes ago, because of this, Bethox walks Daniel right to the exit, which in this case is also the entrance. Bethox before Daniel leaves, he asks Daniel:

"Will you be able to make it home okay kid?" 

"Yes sir, I got things from here." 

"Excellent boy, farewell." 

"Farewell." 

    Daniel then gets on his vehicle and drives away towards his home.

~ CONCLUSION ~

        At the time, Daniel found being in the theater all by himself to be annoying and anxiety inducing. Reminiscing about it now, Daniel is quite thankful for the experience. Daniel is glad that he went to the theater that night because of what he learned that night by means of Bethox. 

    That conversation with Bethox the attendant made the difference between then and now for him. Now with a wife and kid of his own Daniel reads a book about ancient history in the park, while watching his little girl play with the other kids. 

    Daniel can't help but smile while reading this book, 

"Who would have thought." 

Daniel says, while reflecting on the lecture given to him by Bethox. 

"Who would have thought that a lesson from history would help me improve on my personal development." 

    At saying this, Daniel stands up and calls his daughter, they are going home to eat dinner now. His daughter, Lora seems disappointed at the prospect of heading home. 

"Aren't you hungry now honey?" 

"No papa." 

"Well, is already 5:00pm, we can come back to the park on Friday if you want, okay?" 

    Lora innocently extends her arm towards her dad so that he may grab her little hand with his hand, and they walk away. Upon arriving home, Daniel's wife, Annie greets them with a hug and kiss. Daniel and his daughter Lora both seat on the table and the family makes a small prayer to God, a prayer of thanks. A thanks for providing them with their daily sustenance and for his everlasting generosity towards the human race. 

    As Daniel eats his dinner alongside his wife Annie and daughter Lora, Daniel thinks to himself: 

"I guess history is worth researching after all." 

~ END ~